WOO'ing
by Superactiveuberfreak
Summary: VINCATINE! Never heard of the pairing? Good. I invented it [proud]. It's basically a pairing where...wait for it...wait for it... VINCENT IS IN LOVE WITH HIMSELF! GAH! It's perfect! R&R, No Flames. Rating because I'm paranoid.


**Okay.Humor me here. I got a weird Idea last night and had to write it down; Vincatine. Never heard of it? Good. I think I invented it. It's one of those things that made me feel very proud to accomplish, seeing as I almost pissed myself a few times. Though I migh be the only one who thinks this is funny. Heh. **

**I will not accept flames. None of them. I will accept reviews though. (pleads) Puh-lease?**

**Tell me if you want me to add other chapters to this, I will if I get; 7 ; people who want more. Thats right. 7. Take that, biyatch. **

**Wooing **

**Disclaimer: The only thing I own is the plot line and pairing. Nothing more, nothing less. **

Yuffie, Vincent, Cid, Cait Sith, Red XIII, Tifa and Barret are on the Highwind, heading towards the fight between Cloud and Sephiroth. Everyone seems to be thinking of it. Everyone is. Well…not really. Everyone, except Vincent.

No, don't get me wrong; Vincent does care what happens, I mean Sephiroth _was _dead, right? And Sephiroth _is _alive now, right? Right. Of course Vincent is thinking about Clouds well being…somewhat…

The truth is, he was far to busy trying to 'woo' himself. Yes. Himself.

Why? Well, my theory is that while trying to 'woo' Lucrecia, He would practice in his head. Now, in this theory of mine, I assume he got so good, he completely forgot about Lucrecia and fell in love with himself. Once again; Yes, Himself. So, in all good nature and fun, he made up the whole 'Lucrecia lead me on making me think she loved me then shut the door in my face and now I'm all broody and mellow-dramatic because my heart is all black and blah-blah-blah' because he was afraid people would think he needs help; which he did, and exclude him from everyday conversations; which they would.

It would get so bad that whenever poor Vincent tried to sit with people at lunch, they'd pretend they didn't hear him, and sooner or later, he'd be sitting alone in a bathroom stall, munching away on his roast beef sandwich while plotting gruesome, bloody revenge, then getting side-tracked with 'wooing' himself and forgetting all about it. Until the next day, that is, when it happened all over again, and he'd think to himself _Déjà vu or what? _

And it may not just be at lunches either! Imagine him, standing in the corner of a get-together, all alone. And while people flirt and talk and catch up, he 'broods' there, thinking _Would you like some punch, Vincent?_

**Oh yes please, Valentine!**

_I thought so. (Wink)_

**Oh SQUEE! You're just too much, Mr. Valentine!**

The thought is nearly sickening. Nearly. But it is the sad truth of Mr. Vincent Valentine. He just can't get a firm grip on reality, and often finds himself being both a lengthy little schoolgirl attitude Vincent in incredibly tight clothing, and a testosterone pumped sexy Vincent, who dresses a lot like Reno, and is trying desperately to get laid.

Getting laid… now there's an interesting thought.

Anyways. Here is a window into Vincent's thoughts, as the Highwind enters into the general area of Cloud and Sephiroth (another interesting thought)

_(sigh) Boring._

**Oh! Mister Valentine! What a pleasure!**

_The pleasures all mine, Vince. _

**Valentine, Sometimes I think we should get married! And have lots of children and get a car and a house and-**

"Cloud! I brought you materia!" Yuffie said, balancing the glowing orbs.

**Now what's the brat going on about now! AR! Sometimes I just cannot, canNOT, stand her! **

_Kind of cute though, with those long, pretty legs and-_

**VALENTINE! What about me?**

_Hmmm? Oh, yah. Hi Vincent. _

**Your just so inconsiderate sometimes! It just makes me want to destroy you!**

_Oh yah…Mmhmm.._

**Are you even listening to me?**

_Huh? Sure, yah, whatever. _

**You watching that slut Yuffie, aren't you?**

_Yes, uh huh._

**…your…GAH!**

_Mmmmm_

**I'm going to do a pole dance for Chaos!**

_Yah…sure…_

**…NAKED!**

_Uh huh. Yah._

**MR. VALENTINE! ARE YOU DROOLING!**

_Hnn? What? Oh, no. (Wipes away drool)_

**What were you thinking about? Just now? Huh? HUH!**

_Oh…me? Uh.._

**It was Yuffie! Wasn't it!**

_..Yuffie...and Tifa…_

**I knew it- wait, what?**

_And Aeris, and Elena, an-_

**Why you EGOTISTICAL BASTARD!**

_-and you were there to._

**Oh. Then its okay. **

_At least I think you were…_

**What? **

_No, no, no! See, I think there was a big poster of-_

**WE'RE SO OVER! I'm going to Chaos, or Hellmasker, or…someone other than YOU!**

_You said that last week!_

**But I mean it this time!**

_You do not! Come here and give me a hug!_

**No! NO NO NO! I'm going to go and-**

_I'll buy you flowers._

**OKAY! (Hug)**

Vincent had somehow made his way outside with the others, and they were now all somehow shooting Cloud up to get Sephiroth.

**…You said Tifa…didn't you?**

_Huh?_

**A few minutes ago. You said Tifa, right?**

_Well, yah._

**…ITS BECAUSE OF HER BOOBS! Isn't it! **

_What?_

**That's why you like her? Right?**

_Actually…I didn't even know she had boobs…_

**I'm sure you haven't noticed. Geez, Valentine! They're huge! People in ships can see her boobs when she's walking a down the street. **

_I think your lieing._

**Oh, I'm so not. **

_Well, I'll just check next time I see her, then!_

**You do that! Wait, no-**

"Vincent" Tifa waved a hand in front of his face.

He didn't shift his gaze. "Yes?"

"..The… the battles over."

A pause. "Is it?"

Tifa's eyes narrowed. "Well, yah."

"Who won then?"

Her eyes narrowed further. "We did."

"Oh."

A longer pause. Tifa pretended not to be bother by Vincent's gaze. "Uh..Vincent."

"Yes?"

"Can you.." She paused, looking for words. "Can you look at my face."

--------------------------------

**Okay! So thats the whole, cafluffle. Hit that little Go button. You know you want to. **

**Oh, and incase it comes up, Please note; IF YOU WANT TO USE THIS PAIRING, ASK ME FOR PERMISSION. MY PAIRING. GARRR! MINE!**


End file.
